Before delving into the topic, there is a real silent crisis facing Davidian youths today, especially our young men. Unlike the world, in the ratio between male and female, men outnumbers women. That means a shortage of intended spouses for men. Many dismiss the idea with: there should be less marriages anyway, didn’t inspiration so. The people who say this are usually older folks. They seem to forget they were once young. Their attitude is, suck it up, man-up.
(Recently a young man put out an APB, you can say, on social media. He was advertising for a wife from anywhere in the world, long as she was Davidian. That tells the whole story about the ratio.)
Here is an example of the attitudes that prevail among us, though this was not about marriage. A woman, (without calling names) some years ago, went to the head of an association to get help for her son who was going through a depressed period in his life. She wanted some counsel and direction on how to deal with it. One of the leaders’ wife were in the medical field so she approached her. The mother thought the wife may have know a good counsellor to offer help along those lines. The husband, the leader, discouraged his wife from helping. He told the mother her son didn’t need counseling, what he really needed was a good swift kick in the rear. It was painful to say the least. Well secretly, our young men are suffering. They are not free to open up for fear of ridicule.
Depression is one of the biggest issues they are experiencing, but we keep burying out heads hoping it would just disappear, or its a phase they would soon overcome. Some do overcome but few, and many give up in frustration or find alternative and destructive ways to deal with their pain. We lose many because of this. We have to offer a holistic ministry to our youths, not just do as I say.
E G, White say we must study the human mind in order to help heal it. No world school can train us to work with minds soon to be wondered at. Only the source of all human consciousness can teach us that. With our youths, we must tap into their pulse, let them know we are feeling for them. We must get them to feel our heartbeat while we feel theirs; turn the heart of the fathers to the children and their hearts to ours.There are wonderful possibilities coming from our youths right now. I personally know this. And I am encouraged that they will stand powerfully at the helm with the elders, in this closing work.
Let’s talk about it. Share your comments.
The Perfect Union
The question on why even some Davidian marriages fail cannot be answered in one sitting, or in any single article. It is an exhaustive and comprehensive subject to be visited again and again. This article may seem biased against women, but not so. This is only the starting point and men will, in forthcoming articles, get their fair share of scrutiny.
Every Davidian wife must see herself as a minister’s wife, therefore: “The minister’s wife who is not devoted to God is no help to her husband. While he dwells upon the necessity of bearing the cross and urges the importance of self-denial, the daily example of his wife often contradicts his preaching and destroys its force. In this way she becomes a great hindrance and often leads her husband away from his duty and from God. She does not realize what a sin she is committing. Instead of seeking to be useful, seeking with true love for souls to help such as need help, she shrinks from the task and prefers a useless life. She is not constrained by the power of Christ’s love and by unselfish, holy principles. She does not choose to do the will of God, to be a co-worker with her husband, with angels, and with God.
“When the wife of the minister accompanies her husband in his mission to save souls, it is a great sin for her to hinder him in his work by manifesting unhappy discontent. Yet instead of entering heartily into his labors, seeking every opportunity to unite her interest and labor with his, she often studies how she can make it more easy or pleasant for herself. If things around them are not as agreeable as she could wish (as they will not always be), she should not indulge homesick feelings, or by lack of cheerfulness and by spoken complaints harass the husband and make his task harder, and perhaps by her discontent draw him from the place where he could do good. She should not divert the interest of her husband from laboring for the salvation of souls, to sympathize with her ailments and gratify her whims…”
There are many reasons why Davidian marriages fail. One of them is, that people usually do not marry their spiritual equal. It is a statement equally indicting both to men and women. If the woman is deficient in the things of the Spirit, the man should have seen it and steered clear. Both are therefore to blame if the marriage fails. God apparently did not put them together. As long as a woman seems to be adequately following the dress standard and is a regular member at the meetings, it is often good enough for a man looking for a wife. Which is quite understandable considering mates are a scarce resource among the young in Davidia. Depending on what part of the world you are, there appears to be more men than woman in the gatherings.
“… our sisters(must) feel their individual accountability to God…” It “… is a good and necessary work.”
“The wives of ministers should live devoted, prayerful lives. But some would enjoy a religion in which there are no crosses and which calls for no self-denial and exertion on their part. Instead of standing nobly for themselves, leaning upon God for strength and bearing their individual responsibility, they have much of the time been dependent upon others, deriving their spiritual life from them. If they would only lean confidingly, in childlike trust, upon God, and have their affections centered in Jesus, deriving their life from Christ, the living Vine, what an amount of good they might do, what a help they might be to others, what a support to their husbands, and what a reward would be theirs in the end! “Well done, good and faithful servants,” would fall like sweetest music upon their ears. The words, “Enter thou into the joy of thy Lord,” would repay them a thousand times for all suffering and trials endured to save precious souls.”
Again, this article is not meant to criticize women in Davidia, it is to bring an awareness to the younger unmarried women. We must begin to understand why marriages are failing and what can be done about it.
Years ago there was a group of Davidian who were meeting to studying the family exclusively. Many different reasons were cited for failure in the communication between husbands and wives.Taking each other for granted was one of them. Both husband and wife scored equal points in this department. The discussion was even taken to the intimacy and sacredness of the marriage bed, citing a failure to communicate there as well. These studies drew a close and very intimate lens on the marriage. But is this really necessary if God has put the couple together?
The topic on marriage may seem trite to some, but marriages are still happening and are going to continue into the kingdom. Salvation is an individual thing, but entire families are going to make it to the kingdom because they followed the simple rules laid out by inspiration: the crucial steps on courtship leading to marriage.
Marriage was duly recognized as a divine institution by the last prophet; and something to be cherished and preserved with great effort. The time is coming upon us where marriages may have to be put on hold, but until then we have couples among us, and others who are still diving into the institution of marriage. And for this we must educate our youths about the pitfalls that lie ahead. The fundamental caution should be, to test each other’s fidelity to the truth.
Women must not believe that their husband’s state in the world is what determines their state in the next. Yes, a man is priest of his household, but we ought not to misunderstand this role. In light of the fact that we, male and female, look forward to being one of the hundred and forty-four thousand standing on the Mount of Zion, we would do well to understand the weight of this expectation in proportion to our relationship with Christ.
“Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course. He will not want to choose for himself, but will feel that God must choose for him. We are not to please ourselves, for Christ pleased not Himself. I would not be understood to mean that anyone is to marry one whom he does not love. This would be sin. But fancy and the emotional nature must not be allowed to lead on to ruin. God requires the whole heart, the supreme affections. AH 43:3
“Vital Factors in the Choice—Great care should be taken by Christian youth in the formation of friendships and in the choice of companions. Take heed, lest what you now think to be pure gold turns out to be base metal. Worldly associations tend to place obstructions in the way of your service to God, and many souls are ruined by unhappy unions, either business or matrimonial, with those who can never elevate or ennoble.” AH 44:3
“Weigh every sentiment, and watch every development of character in the one with whom you think to link your life destiny. The step you are about to take is one of the most important in your life, and should not be taken hastily. While you may love, do not love blindly.” AH 45:1
Yes, there are things a man must observe very keenly in looking for a woman to make his wife.
“Qualities to Be Sought in a Prospective Wife—Let a young man seek one to stand by his side who is fitted to bear her share of life’s burdens, one whose influence will ennoble and refine him, and who will make him happy in her love.” AH 45.5
“A prudent wife is from the Lord.” “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her…. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her,” saying, “Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.” He who gains such a wife “findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.”10 AH 46.1
“Here are things which should be considered: Will the one you marry bring happiness to your home? Is [she] an economist, or will she, if married, not only use all her own earnings, but all of yours to gratify a vanity, a love of appearance? Are her principles correct in this direction? Has she anything now to depend upon? … I know that to the mind of a man infatuated with love and thoughts of marriage these questions will be brushed away as though they were of no consequence. But these things should be duly considered, for they have a bearing upon your future life…. AH 46:2